Have yourself a little laugh at this story about the birds and the bees.
Tonight at dinner with my family, I’m telling a story about my mother which involves how my mother was given away as a child because her mother was overwhelmed by trying to raise 4 children on dishwasher wages.
My son, Will, asks, “But what about her husband? Why didn’t he help her?”
I say, “Your grandmother didn’t have a husband.”
Will looked absolutely puzzled. Like someone had just told him they dropped a rock and it fell upwards.
“If she wasn’t married then HOW did she have kids?” he asked.
And with that we remember that at 7 years of age, Will’s only explanation for where babies come from has thus far been, you get married and your love makes kids. Old fashioned, I know. Close to true on the love making part. And prior to this very moment in a Thai Food restaurant, age appropriate.
Anyway, back to the story. The restaurant we’re in is so small you might as well be having dinner with everyone sitting at the tables around you because you can hear everything they’re saying and smell their food as if it was on your own table. So all things considered, we’d like to deep six Will’s question immediately so we’re all just taking a moment of… pause.
But Will’s on it like a bird dog now.
“Seriously, if she wasn’t married then HOW did she have kids?”
My wife steps into the quicksand. “They just did Will because people who are not married also have kids.”
Not good enough. “BUT HOW?!” Will asks again.
Our daughter, 16, is cracking up and turning a bit red. I’ve gone quiet trying to decide if I should break out the big V and P words.
But then my wife makes a second pass.
“Will, babies are made like this,” and her left-hand rises. Using her index finger and thumb, she makes a circle!
I immediately know what the circle represents and I can’t believe my wife is going for it! I’m shocked and just waiting for her right hand to rise up with one straight finger headed for the circle, all right over a plate full of Pad Thai!
I did NOT know she had this level of explanation in her! Nor am I sure it’s age appropriate, but at the same time I’m kinda impressed because it is straight to the point.
Wow, my son is about to learn about sex from his mom doing an anatomical demonstration with her hands! In a restaurant! My eyes are opened as wide as Will’s, and same goes for my daughter’s. Let’s just say my wife has everyone’s attention.
Then, with the little circle she makes with her left hand, my wife goes, “Will, a woman has an egg.”
I about spit out my food realizing that the circle represented an egg… I completely got that wrong! I burst out laughing!
Will, he exclaims, “Ha Mom has eggs!” That really tickled his funny bone and seems to be all the answer he needs.
My wife completes the brief fertilization talk. Rice becomes the semen. Thanks a lot honey, couldn’t you have used a food I didn’t eat all the time?
So now my son thinks babies come from putting rice into a women’s egg, and he likely thinks those eggs are about three inches around with a hard shell. Oh well, we can fill him on delivery systems the next time we’re out to dinner.
Parenting. Totally awesome.
Facebook Comments