I used to take some time to quiet my mind. Sit on a cushion now and then and meditate a little. It was nice enough. But nothing earth shattering. And yes, it made me a little more relaxed. But never anything worth keeping up as a habit.
But two years ago I discovered something completely worth doing… A practice of observing my thoughts – not while sitting on a cushion – but throughout my day.
And the more I listened, the less I liked.
What I heard were the thoughts of madman: Repetitive, worrisome, fearful, fantasy-based, anxious, needy, ugly, mean-spirited, argumentative, egotistical, insecure, guilty, unforgiving, greedy, spiteful, and obsessive.
Sure I had nice thoughts as well, loving, kind, romantic, generous, productive. Of course I did, we all do.
But what of all those other nasty little thoughts that were talking through out my day? What was the cost of those thoughts on my happiness, peace, fulfillment and joy?
The cost was easy to see… Unhappiness, anger, resent, sadness, worry, stress, fear… upset and pain.
My practice became a game for me that went like this:
1. I feel upset right now. What am I thinking?
2. [catch the elusive little thoughts silently running in the background but always causing the upset. Hear them for their exact wording. See them for exactly what they were, just thoughts in my head.]
3. Breathe and Breathe and Breathe. Because I learned you can’t take a deep breath and think at the same time.
And with that, I’d swap my ill-thoughts for a little silence of mind. Definitely harder some days than others.
This had the most unexpected reward…
It revealed the only enemy I’ve ever actually had. And the enemy has been there my entire life hiding in plain sight: Hiding in my head, disguised as none other than me! (brilliant btw).
The more I silenced the enemy, the more I knew what the enemy was trying to hide from me: actual freedom.
Best thing I’ve ever discovered.
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